


loss and retrieval

by cloudymalachite



Category: Original Work
Genre: Digimon OCs, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Gen, Hate to Love, Heterosexuality? Never Met Her, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Multi, Original Character Death(s), Original Character(s), POV Original Character, Self-Hatred, Self-Reflection, Slow Burn, Violent Thoughts, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-26 11:40:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15000137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudymalachite/pseuds/cloudymalachite
Summary: Alistair refuses to stay with food, shelter and warmth for any longer.





	loss and retrieval

"We need to start a fire." Himura rasped, Cura making a speedy wrap around her wrist. "We were lucky Crusadermon got called back. Otherwise.."

Their leader need not elaborate.

Alistair could see the attack from the Royal Knight had left them shaken.  
At least half of them had fallen at some point. Cura had taken it the worst, the Warrior of Darkness being toppled by Crusadermon's virus buster attribute in hardly more than a moment. Still, though half-concussed, he was making sure everybody was okay (even through Himura's protests).  
Tarou had fallen not halfway through as well, sheilding PrinceBetmon from a direct hit of Crusadermon's. PrinceBetmon didn't last much longer than his partner.  
Maybe "shaken" was an understatement.

"Alistair," Himura started weakly, looking over at the redhead. He looked back at her. His body felt tight, rigid, as if he was inhabiting someone else's skin. "You and Jaden are the least harmed.." She trailed off.

"I get it," He said lowly. "Yeah, let's go." He didn't know where they'd find good firewood in a bog like this, but he wouldn't argue. Her hair was wild, and she seemed occupied.

The forest was dark, and a low drizzle was starting to come on. He'd gotten his sneakers stuck in mud twice, and heard Jaden nearly trip at least three times.

He was just starting to wonder why Jaden was being so quiet when the boy dissolved into a shrieking fit.

 _"That was your fault!"  
_ Alistair turned to look at the boy with a small curl in his lip. He was already getting on his ass, huh?

Jaden looked relatively unharmed. Keraunomon was still a beast to be reckoned with, though Alistair had seen how everyone had found the creature difficult to work with. Keraunomon couldn't speak, was more feral than Jaden's beast spirit and wanted all the glory for himself. It was as if the creature had a phobia for teamwork.  
... his talking swords weren't any help. The vicious taunts they'd scream across the battlefield only served to unnerve anyone still fighting, and didn't faze Crusadermon in the slightest.

"I don't see how." Alistair growled back, feeling his fingers curling.

" _I don't see how!_ " mocked Jaden with a cruel lilt in his voice, before jabbing a tan finger into the redhead's chest. "You're a fucking moron!"

Alistair rolled his eyes. "God, shut your fucking mouth." He crossed his arms, turning on his heel away from his  _partner_.  
"Turn to Brontemon. I'll carry the wood."

"God, you're so fucking insufferable!" Jaden snarled at Alistair's back. The spiritless Legendary Warrior stiffened. "You just don't fucking get it."

Alistair's lip curled. He turned, leaned against a tree, and stared straight at Jaden with a vicious stare.

Jaden glared back.

"If I didn't have to protect your fucking ass all the time, we could've actually beaten that damn thing." The blond hissed through grit teeth, blue eyes wild with anger. "I'm fucking sick of playing babysitter."

"I didn't _ask_ you to be my babysitter," Alistair narrowed his eyes. "You're assuming a fucking lot."

"Yeah?" Jaden echoed, pale eyes stretching wide mockingly. Alistair felt a chill in his stomach. The hatred in his eyes was effortless, not some show for attention. "You're assuming a fucking lot in thinking that anybody fucking _wants_ you here."

Alistair tried to play it off. "I'm a Legendary Warrior," He scoffed, hand curling tightly into a fist. "You need me here."

Jaden half-cackled. "Yeah, right!" He wiped his eyes of fake tears, suddenly dead serious.  
"You can't even fucking defend yourself, dumbass!" His voice had chilled over, not a droplet of humor or irony remaining.

"I don't have my spirits, so, no _shit_ , I can't." Alistair growled.

"You're making excuses."

"I'm not!" The redhead snapped, taking a booming step forward. Jaden held his ground. "How the fuck do you expect me to ward off a Crusadermon by my fucking self?"

"I'm fucking tired of having to protect you!" Jaden snarled, taking an equal step forward. "I didn't fucking ask to be your guardian!"

"Neither did I," Alistair said darkly, feeling his shoulders bristle with anger. "You don't see me complaining that I have a friendless bastard for a partner."

Jaden bared his teeth. His hair stuck to his skin, the rain darkening the golden strands into a dirty blond. The moon, red and enormous, hung just behind his head.  
He looked like a monster.

"If you're going to be like this, I'm just going to leave." Alistair growled, stalking past Jaden, though not without knocking his shoulder into the shorter boy's.

"I don't fuckin' need you." Jaden growled back.

Alistair kept walking.

"Stop tryin' to be fuckin' better than me!" The young man screamed. "You're not!"

 

Alistair returned to camp with something coming to a slow boil in his stomach.  
Many of the kids had already gone down for the night; Yuuto and Cura were huddled up together, Tarou was watching over Ellie's sleeping form. Mao, of course, was out stone-cold as per usual.

Akemi sat near one of the trees, her ginger hair stark against the black, wet trunk.  
"Where's the wood?" Asked the girl sharply. She was sitting just beside Himura, who, for once, was asleep before her.

"It's g'nna explode," Said Himura, her eyebrows twitching downward. Akemi pet her hair, though kept a steely gaze on Alistair.

Alistair stalked past her. "Yeah, it's exploded." He couldn't help but feel a snap of irritation towards the tall girl. It was clear he didn't have anything, and even clearer he'd had yet another fight with Jaden—why even _bother_ asking? If she was going to treat him like a failure, he wished she'd keep it to her fucking self.

He ignored her eyes boring into his back as he flopped to the earth, a good bit away from the rest of the group. 

He ignored the voice in his head, sounding suspiciously like his mother, telling him that he should've grit his teeth and just gotten the damn wood for them, these poor kids needed him to do this one, simple, damn thing.

 

He could never put out, could he?

 

Rain pattered down as Alistair heaved his bag across his shoulders. He spared the kids behind him a glance.  
Everyone, now, slept in peace. Though it was still drizzling, soon to be a downpour if the humidity was right, the thick, waxy leaves shielded them from the wet.

He really didn't care about these people.

And they, in turn, didn't care about him.

He glanced over at Jaden's sleeping body, facing away from him.

Not a drop of regret filled his belly. They had nothing for him.

And he had nothing for them.

Without so much as a sigh, Alistair began to walk. He tried not to look back, afraid he'd chicken out and run back to the safety of their group. With Himura, they had food, security, and shelter. Admittedly, she was a good leader.  
  
He'd make do by himself. He didn't need a leader, shepherding him from place to place.

His shoes caught in the mud as he walked, and every time they did he took a quick glance back, unable to help himself.

Every time he looked, they'd get further away. Further, further and further until he could see no more. The trees and shadows had overtaken them.  
  
The rain grew stronger the longer he walked. Normally-bright ginger hair stuck to his neck and forehead, now a deep, ruddy color.  
  
He tried to shoo away panic. He thought once more of his mother, who was ever so superstitious, telling him that the rain was a bad omen. 

He'd find his spirits. Even if it wasn't a priority of Himura’s anymore, he would pull his own weight.  
Plus, he'd come back. Eventually. Not today, or tomorrow, or hopefully any time soon, but when he got his spirits he'd come back and help them with overtaking Ophanimon. He'd do the right thing. He had to do this to do the right thing.

"Yeah, right," sneered the Jaden in his head. In his mind, he was sitting on some kind of stump, acting like some kind of cool kid. "A heartless monster like you can't do the _"right thing"_!"

Alistair's bright shoes beat against the ground as he weaved between trees. He couldn't remember when he started picking up the pace. At the very least, maybe Murkdramon would have some trouble tracking him if he ran like this; like a rabbit dashing through a tunnel.

He ran as long as he could. Running, running, running, until he could see some dim, glowing coals in the distance. Thatched roofs soon followed.

As Alistair approached, he slowed his pace. He didn't wanna seem too suspicious. Honestly, aside from Lopmon, he'd never really talked to another digimon.  
The moons were in their setting cycle, now, one already touching the tops of trees and dappling the leaves behind him gold and red.

It wasn't like dawn was going to break, anyway. The moons would just vanish, and return in a few hours. The sky would stay dark, if only a stray beam of light appearing once during a day cycle. It felt as though he hadn't felt the sun in years.

He tread quietly.  
It seemed In-Training digimon would live here, if the size of their little huts were anything to go by. The coals, black and red and hot, glowed sleepily. They didn’t seem to be bothered by the drizzle, glimmering regardless.

A flash of color flit in the corner of his eyes, and he started with a strangled gasp, heart leaping into his throat. Could Kazurimon have already—

A little green eye blinked up at him from one of the little windows.

“Hello?”

He took a step back. He didn’t feel right around young Digimon. A smokey laugh and snarl reverberated in his skull, and he resisted the urge to clap his hands over his ears.

“Hello?”

The little eye teased back. A single Yaamon squeezed out of the hut, peering up at him with a coy look. “Hello!”

"Hello!" This one came from his left.

"Hello!” This one, from behind him.

More Yaamon cried out greetings, their eyes glinting like crystals in the darkness.

His heart was in his throat. The panic that they beat into his head was too much. Without even thinking about if he was acting suspicious or not, he sprinted down the avenue cutting their village in half.

That was, until his foot caught in something and he went crashing to the earth. Tears sprung to his eyes immediately; he'd certainly skid his knee, and his face was caked with mud and rocks.  
Why did it hurt so much? Skidding his knee or scrapping his arms during football practice never hurt nearly as much.

“ _Leave me alone!_ ” Alistair snarled, cradling his cheek with a muddy hand. He was already wet, shoes caked in muck, and now he had to deal with a muddy front and aching knee?

The Yaamon gaped at him. Their eyes were huge. Their forms were stiff as statues.

Alistair hissed with pain, going to feel his banged-up knee. He flinched away when it stung, so he moved to wipe off his face.  
He stopped. The Yaamon were quiet now.  
With panic still settled in his gut like a rock, he peered at them through his fingers.

At least ten of the baby digimon were settled in front of him, all sitting agape. One of them was sniffing another; the Yaamon was missing a bottom tooth. Its under-bite was only with a single tooth now.

The realization hit him like a brick.

"Did—Did I trip on you?" Why did his voice sound like that? He'd never heard it crack and waver like that before.

The Yaamon turned to him. She bared her teeth wordlessly at him, no malice behind the action. Just showing it off. Indeed, a canine had been knocked clean out.

Alistair inhaled, guilt snapping in his chest. It felt so fucking overwhelming, as if he was drowning in it.  
  
“Did I do that?” 

The tiny digimon closed her mouth.  
The Yaamon crowd behind her didn’t move.

Alistair was shaking as he rose to his feet. His knee burned with pain, but he felt like sticking his fucking thumb in the wound. He'd fucking deserve it.

"It'th okay!" The Yaamon slurred out.

"Um.." A different Yaamon peeked out of the crowd. This one had bright green eyes, the one he first saw. "Sorry for scaring you like that! Kekeke!" It giggled loudly, sounding like a cross between a whisper and a hiss. "It's what we do!"

There was a chorus of agreement, and Alistair couldn't squash the rising horror.

How many of these Yaamon had been born thanks to him? How many innocent digimon had Agrikorimon— Let alone Qazurkamon—

"Yeah, it's kinda our _thing_." A large Yaamon, this one with berry-pink eyes and a darker skin, murred with a grin. "I'm sure she'll be fine! Kekeke!"

"Yeah!" The one he'd kicked added in, grinning at him widely with a sharp teeth and a gaping hole where her bottom tooth should've been. "It's super cool! Now I can tell the other kids that I lost a tooth in a fight with a _human_!"

Panic beat the walls of his chest, tearing at the cavity, trying to get out.  
He'd only left a half hour ago, he couldn't have Himura tracking him thanks to a loud-mouthed Yaamon!

"Uh," He offered weakly, shaking as he lifts one hand, the less muddy one, to his hair. "Could you keep that a secret? I.." His fingers tangle in his dark, wet and now muddy locks.

The Yaamon, true to form, didn't seem to get it.

The digimon missing her tooth made a frown. "Okay, I'll just tell 'em it was by accident, not 'cos of a fight!"

"No, I—I don't want it getting around that I— that I'm a baby kicker." He offered sheepishly. He forced a choked laugh.

The Yaamon with the missing tooth looked defeated. "Alright, fine!" She huffed. "I'm the best, cuz I have a real scar now! You guys better not forget it!" She called out to her siblings, who erupted into their unique, hissy, whispery laugh.

"You guys better shut up!! I mean it!" She protested loudly.

 

Alistair knew that he wouldn't forget it.

He wasted no time in continuing his trek, his knee burning with every step.

**Author's Note:**

> im not gonna make this one big chunk like i always do!!!! its gonna be Longe with better pacing i promise >:)c


End file.
